I haven’t been this big in a long time. The plain and honest truth. I’ve been bigger than this sure, but it’s been many many years since I have felt this out of shape. Most of my clothes don’t fit and the few that do don’t look at all attractive. Yet I cannot stop shoveling food into my big fat face.
I’d love to tell you that the reason behind this entry is that I have finally found the motivation to get the lead(and fat) out but I have said that so many times in the past only to stumble and fall only days later, that even I no longer have faith in myself!
I go onstage for the first time since last May in two weeks and I feel so disgusted that people are going to see me like this, and judge me and wonder why they didn’t hire a “regular” sized person for the role. Beyond that I am just so out of shape. I’m winded when walking short distances and I quit smoking a year ago so I can’t blame it on that. I sit down and my belly just juts out like I’m 8 months pregnant. My back is really feeling the strain. My lower back has always hated it when I carried a large amount of extra weight but as I get older it gets worse.
So what am I going to do? I don’t know. I honestly don’t. I want it to be a super easy answer where I just say: “Okay, so I’ll just try this!” and boom it’s the answer to all of my lack of willpower. Wouldn’t that be nice?
I guess I’ll just keep on struggling through one day at a time, trying to make the best decisions I can and keep putting one foot in front of the other…literally. I just need to keep my body moving if nothing else.
Sorry for the depressing entry but this is where my head is at right now.
Well I managed to crack the screen on my laptop last night so typing this entry should be interesting to say the least.
Anyhoo, so I started weight watchers on Monday but I wanted my weigh in day to be Friday so while yesterday was my official first weigh in, it was only for four days on the diet…it’ll all work out come next weigh in.
So the grand total for my first week? -4.6 pounds!!!!
I was pretty darn stoked to say the least.
Yesterday was also my work holiday party so I used that as a cheat day. The spread that my boss put on was nothing short of amazing and holy crap it was yummy!
This was my plate:
It was soooo good but today I’m back on the wagon. Oatmeal for breakfast and a yummy 2 point butternut soup I made for lunch.
I will go off for one cheat meal on Christmas with my family but I’ll take small portions. Hmmm if I work it right it won’t even be a cheat…I’m off to go track some points!
I’d make this post longer but typing this on a broken computer is annoying.
Happy Holidays everyone!!
- 24 oz marinara sauce
- 1 cup canned diced tomatoes, fire-roasted, drained
- 1 cup part-skim ricotta cheese
- 1 cup shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese
- 1 cup shredded parmesan cheese
- 1/4 cup fat free egg substitute
- 1/4 tsp table salt
- 1/4 tsp black pepper
- 1/4 tsp dried oregano
- 6 uncooked lasagna noodles
- 1/2 cup roasted red peppers, water-packed, cut into thin strips
- Preheat oven to 350ºF.
- In a small saucepan combine marinara sauce and tomatoes and set over low heat simmering for 10 minutes.
- In a large bowl, combine ricotta, mozzarella and Parmesan cheeses and stir to combine. Stir in egg substitute, salt, pepper and oregano.
- Spoon 1 cup of sauce in bottom of an 11- X 7-inch glass baking dish and arrange 2 lasagna noodles over sauce, down center of dish. Spread half of cheese mixture (about 1 cup) over noodles and top with pepper strips. Place 2 more noodles on top and spread with remaining cheese mixture. Top with 1 cup of marinara sauce and place remaining 2 lasagna noodles on top. Spoon remaining sauce over top and gently press down on lasagna.
- Cover dish loosely with aluminum foil and bake for 40 minutes.
- Remove foil and bake until sauce is lightly browned and noodles are tender when tested with a knife, about 10 to 15 minutes more.
- Remove from oven and let sit for 5 minutes to firm up slightly.
- Slice into 8 pieces and serve.
- Per Serving this is 6 pointsplus points.
So I managed to avoid those beauties yesterday when a thoughtful co-worker brought them into the break room first thing in the morning.
Today our company received a gift from a vendor of chocolate covered strawberries. When my boss distributed them desk to desk I took one to be polite and then chopped it in half, removed the chocolate and ate the strawberry. Fruits are free points on the points plus program!
Though I haven’t officially weighed in(you know damn well I check that scale every single day, it’s a sickness!) I am down 3.2 pounds since Monday…I know it’s all water weight but I don’t really care.
We have an office party on Friday that will have lots of yummy food. I’m going to allow myself one taste of everything that I want and not go overboard. That’s kind of how I’m going to handle Christmas dinner as well. In our family we have a tradition of making lasagna for Christmas instead of the usual turkey and all the trimmings. And my mother in law makes a mean lasagna and don’t even get me started on the garlic bread, but I’m pretty sure that is all I’m going to eat that day. I’m not going to get crazy obsessed with staying on points but I’m not going to go hog wild with the eating either.
I feel good. I know it’s only been three days but this is honestly the longest I’ve been on a diet without taking little cheats here and there in a very long time. It doesn’t sound like much, but just the fact that I’m excited about staying on a diet says a lot when I consider the mind frame I’ve been in for the last year.
I finally feel like there is hope again.
So yeah, I know. I’ve not really been around this blog and there is a good reason for that.
I gave up.
It all started when I gave myself permission to take the year off from the Vegas 1/2 marathon. I had done it that previous three years and decided I would skip it for 2013 and give myself a break. Apparently, I gave myself a break from EVERYTHING. From exercise to trying to eat right, I have pretty much done NOTHING in the way of trying to get healthy.
Sure, I would start a diet for a couple weeks but even then I was taking little cheats here and here and then complaining because I wasn’t losing any weight. I’d overlook my cheating and get frustrated at my lack of results and quit the diet. Well, you can only be in denial for so long.
My year of denial has cost me an extra 30 pounds, depression, mood swings and the inability to walk a mile without my lower back seizing up like it used to when I was 300+ pounds and I couldn’t walk more than a block.
I’m at 250 pounds. That is the heaviest I’ve been in a darn good long time. A tight size 22 with an uncomfortable amount of girth around my stomach. I feel unhealthy.
So here I go again. I have rejoined weight watchers and started back on the points today. I also took my first walk in forever on my lunch break. I didn’t even make it a mile. After fifteen minutes I had to call it and go inside.
But it’s a start. I want more than anything to get healthy again, definitely more than food.
I know that the holidays are a stupid crazy time to start a diet but I will allow myself to indulge on Christmas with my husbands family as long as I don’t go crazy and get right back to tracking the next day. Working out will become a necessity as I do no like how I feel mentally and emotionally when I don’t.
So here we go again and I look forward to feeling better and hopefully shrinking once more.
- 4 Large Eggs
- 4 TBLS Grated Parmesan Cheese
- ¼ cup or 4 TBLS Almond Flour
- 2 TBLS Water
- Butter to grease the tins.
- Whisk everything together in a bowl.
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees
- Grease the muffin tins heavily, this tends to stick even to non stick surfaces.
- Ladle the mixture into the muffin top tins and pop in the oven.
- Bake for 15 mins or until golden brown on top
So my weekend to myself is winding down already. It’s been a lot of fun and I have stuck to my diet!
Friday night after work, I drove about an hour to get to my hotel, but before getting to the hotel I had one stop to make:
In N Out Burger is a rare treat for me since the I don’t live near one. There is one in Salinas but that is kind of a haul to get a burger. Since this was just a block from my hotel I knew what I was getting for dinner. A Double Double Protein Style -plain with just cheese is only 3 carbs so I got two and a diet coke.
I ate one before I even left the parking lot because I was STARVING and then checked into my hotel.
The room was pretty cool. Has a flat screen TV, fridge and microwave. It fit all of my needs. I unpacked and settled in. The television had Direct TV so I was overwhelmed with the amount of movie channels that were offered and spend a great deal of time vegging out to the tube. I facebooked, wrote a little and did a bit of crochet before eating the second burger and dozing off to the tv.
This morning I woke up and got into my bathing suit. I hit the hot tub and relaxed for a while before taking a shockingly cold dip in the pool and then back to the room for a quick shower. Once I was dressed I headed over to Black Bear Diner across the street and got some take out. I got a Hobo’s Omelet with a side of bacon.
I ate about half. I was going to have lunch with a friend that was traveling up to see me so I didn’t want to fill up but I was starving. Oh and I ate all the bacon because, well…BACON!
My friend arrived a little bit later and we headed over to Chevy’s for lunch. The service was really slow but good. Our server explained that someone had failed to show up for work today and he was the only one there. I really appreciated his honesty and felt really bad for him. The speediness of the service didn’t matter to me today. I’m not sweating the small stuff this weekend. It turned out to be a good thing since I hadn’t seen my friend Koly in FOREVER so it gave us a lot of time to sit and talk at length.
We both got the mixed Fajitas. I didn’t substitute anything I just pulled off the rice and beans when it came and the rest was “legal”. Tons of meat and veggies and sour cream and guacamole. It was a little slice of heaven.
After lunch we discovered that Koly’s car wouldn’t start. It was actually her dad’s truck and the key was kind of warped. She came to the conclusion that it was just not recognizing the key because she could put it over to the start side and pull the key right out. She called her boyfriend to go get her dad’s spare key while we walked back to my hotel, less than a block away. We then took my car to the outlet malls since we had planned on shopping anyway and now had about an hour to kill until her boyfriend got there.
I had never been to the outlet mall and having been now, I can say I think they are a bit overrated. Not enough parking and they are outside. In the Gilroy heat. I didn’t like having to go round and round and round to find a parking space. However, I DID find a really cute outfit at the Dress Barn out there complete with matching earrings and bracelets.
We tried the other half of the outlet malls but we couldn’t find parking. I had allotted myself enough carbs to grab a sugar free starbucks(two pumps sugar free cinnamon dolce and heavy cream) but with out parking I couldn’t get it. Oh well. Maybe in the morning before I leave.
By the time we got frustrated with the parking her boyfriend was almost there so we headed over there instead. Koly was spot on with her diagnosis of the car and it fired right up with a different key. With her car back in shape we took a second shopping detour and headed to Ross where I got a serious bargain on some Sketchers.
I was going to take a nap but I think I’d rather get to bed early and wake up for a hot tub in the morning before I leave. Over all I think it was a successful weekend away that was just as good as if I had cheated on my diet. Maybe even better because I never had that overly full “i’m going to puke” feeling.
Okay , so I know that being spontaneous has it’s good points, but maybe not so much when it comes to a low carb diet.
Back story: About once a year I take a weekend by myself and get a hotel room. No husband, no dogs, no friends. I reach a boiling point where I just am DONE dealing with people. I don’t care how much I love you, sometimes I just need a break. Usually I use this weekend as an excuse to indulge in food and shopping and general sloth like behavior.
I am taking such a weekend this coming weekend but this time I’m going to try and stay on my low carb diet and also get some exercise in.
Now, we all know how easy it is when you are low carbing to stop by your local fast food chain and get a bunless burger right? But I am planning on enjoying my meals this weekend and so that is proving to take a little research.
Most popular restaurants have websites with their nutritional information. So I googled the eateries around my hotel and found some useable options. This of course means I’m at the mercy of chain restaurants but at least I’m not eating out of Burger King every meal. Once you are well versed in the low carb universe, a lot of people eyeball the entree and can ballpark the carbs, but you never really know how many hidden carbs are in spices or other additives. At this stage in my weight loss, I am not willing to bargain.
My hotel does not have a gym but it does have a pool so I’m planning on logging some water laps. I love water. I could have easily been a fish in a former life and I just love the sensation of water around me. So between swimming and water walking I’m hoping to burn a few decent carbs off the bod.
So I’ve got some killer choices picked out from the menu’s of the local (albeit chain) food-fare and I’m looking forward to a weekend of no distractions, crocheting and relaxation. I can’t wait!!!
- 1 pound ground beef
- ¼ cup finely chopped onion
- 1 TBLS chili powder
- ½ tsp cumin
- ½ tsp yellow mustard
- Dash of hot sauce
- 8 ounce can tomato sauce
- 3 sliced hot dogs(in the round)
- 2 eggs
- ½ cup mayonnaise
- ¼ cup heavy cream
- 8 ounces shredded cheddar cheese
- Brown the hamburger and onion and drain the fat.
- Stir in the seasonings, mustard, hot sauce, tomato sauce and hot dogs.
- Spread in a greased large pie plate; stir in half of the cheese.
- Beat the eggs well; whisk in the mayonnaise then the cream. Beat well until smooth. Stir in the remaining cheese.
- Pour over the meat mixture and spread evenly.
- Bake at 350º 30-35 minutes. Let stand 10 minutes before cutting.
Forgot to post about my weigh in last week. Week Two weigh in was down 2 lbs. Total of six down in two weeks. Not too shabby.
I don’t have high hopes for a loss this week simply because I haven’t been counting my carbs. I had a stressful week and am in the process of weaning myself off my antidepressants so I decided to take the pressure off myself and just eat things that are low carb. When I do this I tend to gain or maintain. I’m kind of okay with that this week. I’m certainly not giving up.
As you can see I have revamped the site yet AGAIN. It’s all back in one spot again because the other site did little more other than offer a page for recipes which is now being housed on the blog with that link up on the menu bar. I’m getting them updated as fast as I can.
This weekend was a bit of an out and about weekend. Those can either be really good or really dicey when you are low carbing. This was a good one.
I slept in on Saturday morning and didn’t feel very ambitious about cooking but I was pretty hungry. So I ran up to the upper freezer and grabbed the Atkins frozen breakfast meal I had bought for just such an occasion. I was about to throw it in the microwave when I realized I was a little more hungry than that so I whipped up a half batch of Almond Flour Pancakes to go with it. I was sure glad I did because I wasn’t so much a fan of this frozen meal. I have tried a lot of the other dinners and love them for the most part but on this one, the eggs were rubbery. I’m a texture person when it comes to food so this bothered me quite a bit.
Saturday night found us having dinner and a show at our favorite local community theater. We contemplated whether we wanted to go the safe route and eat at home but since grocery shopping had yet to be done for the week the pickings were slim. We opted to take our chances at the British pup down below the theater and I’m so glad we did. I got a house salad with ranch to start and then a bunless burger with three kinds of cheese on top. The only thing that was wrong with it was that I forgot to ask for bacon on top. :-) Rob got the spicy wing basket.
After we were fully satisfied and headed off to the show where we did cheat a bit and get a sweetened coffee beverage.
Sunday was my girls day. I got up showered and headed out to Outback Steakhouse with my BFF. We are both low carbing and so it seemed the logical place to go. I’d never been before, believe it or not but I had studied up the menu online and was prepared for a low carb meal.
I got the sirloin with grilled shrimp. As my two sides I got a house salad with ranch and steamed green beans with butter. My fellow low carber Paula got the prime rib with a salad and some broccoli on the side.
Look at those plates! Anyone who says you can’t get full and eat yummy food out at a restaurant on low carb has clearly never put any effort into it.
After lunch we went to the mall and did a little shopping and then it was off to a movie.
We commented on the fact that you can get pretty much ANYTHING snack food wise you want at the movies now. It used to be popcorn and candy and that was it but now you can get pizza, nachos, ice cream, Starbucks…whatever your little heart desires. Still though, not a lot of good low carb options. There is always the bunless hot dog in a pinch. However, I’ve always been a sweets kind of girl at the movies. I like the big giant box of reeses pieces when I sit down to watch a flick…I blame ET really.
So what I had devised for my plan of action at the movies on this day was this:
This is an Atkins bar that I cut up into little pieces and froze. I thought that would be the perfect sweet treat for the movies, but of course I forgot it at home. Thankfully, I was still full from lunch and didn’t crave anything else, but I do recommend doing this in the future. I think it will really help me to stay out of the candy line.
Anyhoo, I had a pretty full weekend and still managed to stay on the diet. Pretty proud of that.